Haven't done one in a while been busy; this thing called a job tends to suck all the energy out of you. I had something happen to me a few weeks ago maybe longer I forget. It was surprisingly good, though it didn't make me feel good in the "yippy I am happy happy" way, it made me feel I guess you could say relieved. My experience with telling someone I have feelings for them never turned out great, really being in a car accident would probably turn out better than what I had happen before. But it was driving me nuts not telling them how I felt. We would hangout, relax, talk, do whatever and then we would end the night and I would stay up later than I wanted pissed off at myself for not saying how I felt. I would usually have this conversation going on in my brain for the entire time we were hanging out and after:
"DO IT NOW! NOW DAMN IT!"
"No I don't think it would be great idea."
"Why they hell didn't you say anything? You dumbass!"
"I guess we are staying up till 4 pondering this decision or the lack of one aren't we?"
"Oohhhh you bet we are!"
"Maaannn, I just want to sleep and forget all of this."
"Well you should have told them now shouldn't you!"
Yeah that always made the next day feel really shitty and I made a promise to myself that I would tell them how I felt the next time. Took a lot of next times as it turns out and I don't regret finally doing it. I keep thinking how much of a relief it is and that might make some think that I am just glad it's finally over and that is only partially true. I am relieved that I don't have to keep second guessing myself or that by telling them will ruin the friendship which I was really afraid of happening. I truly respect the friendship that I have with them and didn't want to screw it up by telling them how I felt and having them think all I want is a relationship. I am just glad that I said something finally and we didn't delay in talking about it like adults that didn't lead to a ruined friendship and hurt feelings. If anything I feel like this has made the friendship better then having all that hover over us.
While on some level I would like a relationship to happen I am not down on myself or them for one not happening. I am not a teenager it was not the end of the world that the same feelings were not reciprocated. The fact that we can move on from this despite it now being out in the open is what matters and the friendship can continue which I am very grateful for. I am not expecting anything to happen or will force it to happen because of my own selfish reasons putting them in an awkward position. While I don't doubt that things will be awkward between us for a bit it will subside, and everything will be normal again. No one was hurt in this, it left one person a little shocked another relived and a friendship a little better I think. I still can't really nail down why I feel so relieved by it but maybe it is just that I built it up in my head for so long that it finally being out there has made me realize how much over thinking I was doing when it was really quite simple.
Confessing things is really an interesting a experience. I encourage people of course under the right circumstances to do it yourself instead of bottling it up. It could be great, it could be horrible but at the very least you won't have to keep it inside where it festers and starts affect you physically. It is good for the soul and for the body.
